I've been keeping various meaningful experiences over the last 2 years in my notes on my phone....but I just felt the desire to try my best in putting into words in hopes to encourage others of the closeness of Jesus and the nearness of the heavenly realm. 30 months ago, we escorted my precious mamma to heaven's doors. She so gracefully ended her 3.5 year battle with ALS and her Savior called her home. The peace I felt during her death far surpasses anything I've ever experienced in my life. I've walked with the Lord for most of my life, but there is nothing like seeing a loved one suffer and then prepare to leave this earth and pass onto their eternal home. So much peace....yet along with that came so much grief. I began to enter in to a spiritual type tension that I never had experienced before.....on one hand having such peace and joy that comes with the assurance of eternal life yet on the other have such grief and heartache missing my closest friend and mentor. Yet as I began that grief journey, God has been ever present in meeting me in the deepest of pain and reminding me of His unconditional love and faithfulness. He carries us in ways that are unfathomable. He offers such peace, hope and gives us faith when our hearts fail us. This is what leads to the sequence of events that took place in my mother's first year of absence on earth.
The first experience was at my sister-in-law's home...she and Jeremy's brother were keeping our kids for us one afternoon. My Charlotte had just turned 1 year old. We had left them for a few hours and when we returned, Ellen shared with me a picture of the traditional Jesus image....on her refrigerator. I had never shown my kids the picture or talked about that as it relates to my mom. But, they shared with me that Charlotte kept toddling over to the picture at her eye level, pointing to it and saying, "Mimi...Mimi...Mimi...." She would say it, go and pay and then go right back to it. Now I don't know how the heavenly realm works or how God speaks but I know He is all powerful and in that moment I truly believe that He was reminding me that He has supernatural ways to bring comfort and just reassuring me that he was comforting even my children through the grief process.
A few months later, I was walking through my typical week....yet I was really struggling....Just missing my mom....really wanting just assurance of her peace and presence with the Lord. Reflecting on the final days of her life....and for anyone who has walked that road knows it is peaceful yet heartbreaking as you see them prepare to leave all they know and love here on earth to enter into the unknown. As believers, we have peace and assurance of heaven but it's still unknown....the process and the presence of being absent from the body but present with the Lord. It's just hard...the whole thing is hard! In the midst of that hard week....I truly believe God met me in a dream. It was as vivid as real life. I was sitting there with my mom in her final hours just as I had. I saw her final tear fall down her cheek......and in that moment, in my dream....I felt God speak to me. He told me "that was a tear of relief as she left her sick body and entered my presence....she's at peace and fully restored with me." I believe the presence of the Lord met with me and the moment I opened my eyes, I felt a peace that surpasses all understanding. I remember jumping out of bed ready to conquer my day with the Joy of the Lord. In the depths of grief and despair, God was near to me.
It was months until the latter experience. But, it was a similar week of just wanting to hear my mamma's voice, wanting to text her or call her....just to get a bit of parenting advice or encouragement. A few days of just feeling low and needing to really feel the Lord was near. And yet once more He met me in that darkest of hours. I had another vivid dream that was truly as clear as reality. In my dream, I received a postcard. On the front, my sweet mamma was sitting in a rocking chair on a beautiful sunny day just rocking away holding two babies, one in each arm, smiling from ear to ear. I knew in that moment, that she was holding my two babies that I lost in miscarriage 10 years prior. In my dream, I turned over the postcard and saw her handwriting, "Whit, I'm fine...don't you worry about me." I know the Lord met with me there...I know it was a message from him. Once again when I woke, I had the most amazing sense of peace and joy. It was as if God sent me a direct message from my mom.....She was whole, complete, healthy and filled with joy.....all her needs were met and she was most certainly fine. =)
So, again, I don't have all the answers as to how how God works...I don't know how the spiritual realm works.....or how close the heavenly realm is to us here on earth. But I do know for certain the peace and the joy that God alone offers and I know for certain I've experienced Him more during my times of grief than ever in my life. It has built my faith and strengthened me for the days and years ahead and I'm forever grateful.
